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mec

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Reply with quote  #1 

I won't go into our story because it's in the sig line. Summary since last year: In late 2014 d then 18, had a traumatic brain injury due to a car accident. This triggered a series of mental health related behaviors which were new to our experience with her. At the same time, she started dating a guy with mental illness who ended up being emotionally and verbally abusive. She ended up in Children's Hospital of Atlanta and was given a plan for TBI recovery.  Specialists felt that she had had several prior concussions due to sports related injuries. 

She graduated last June and moved in with the guy and the bottom fell out. She ignored every advice that had been given by CHOA (to live at home, to have support, to rest, to only have a PT job and maybe start with 2 courses at Community College, to take her meds and to go to T. Instead, She worked 60 hours a week, was in a harmful relationship, didn't sleep more than 4/5 hours per night, cut us off as her support, quit T, quit meds, started B&Ping, etc. She became B&P for several months, her mental health deteriorated profoundly and dangerously. We attempted to section her and that backfired so badly that she cut us off for about 2 months. Slowly, we rebuilt the relationship and she started trusting us a bit more. She did start with comprehensive DBT last fall and that helped saved her life It also helped her not to B&P as her first reaction to stress.

FF to the beginning of February. She broke up with her boyfriend and the next night took off in her car, with all her belongings, across the country. This is like a 3 day trip which she did by herself with her cat. She contacted us when she had arrived in the southwest , 5 days from the time we had heard from her. We knew she was alive because she would respond with "can't talk now", "TTYL" etc. Then, she started talking and telling us the story of the past 15 months but completely shut us out regarding what she was doing outwest.

Her (very boundaried, parentectomy and triangulating) psych reached out to us because she had blown 3 apts. He got consent via text to talk to us but she refused to be a part of the meeting. He told us there was definitively a personality disorder but he couldn't say if she was bi polar or not. The advantage and disadvantage that she has is that she is SO resilient, that she could be in profound suicidal mode at night but pull herself together by the morning to make it to work and to therapy and appear articulate and put together to the whole world. Hence, why sectioning her won't work, period. She had gotten off her SSRIs because she wants to go on the Navy and has to be off meds for a year. I don't think it's working and I don't think she can or should do it. But, there's nothing we can do about it. 

In God's providence she ended up, unbeknownst to her, 30 minutes from my husband's step brother and his family. For 2 weeks she refused to connect with them but we agreed with aunt and uncle that they would not be our reporters unless she was in danger or in trouble. So, she has met with aunt twice, loves her and is opening up to her. We feel SO much better to know what she has family nearby and support on the ground. 

We still don't know exactly what she is doing, with whom she is living, how she is surviving financially and exactly how she is doing mentally. D knows that she is not all there and has tremendous insight into her mental health condition. However, she insists that she can take her of herself and that she MUST do this alone as she is tired of blaming other people for her problems. She says she is putting into practice her DBT skills. But, she is not doing well. However, she will talk her way out of any attempt to section her and she is so brilliant and articulate that no judge would see her as unstable. So, we stay in very close contact via text and WhatsAp, we wait and we pray and pray and pray some more. 

Take Away:

  • Our kids are very vulnerable, especially during the transition from the teens to adulthood. They can't make it alone.
  • Know when to hold them, know when to fold them. Sometimes you have to let them go and support yourself so that you can be ready when they come back
  • The previous ED stuff can morph into other manifestations of mental illness
  • Insight is overrated. D has insight oozing out of her but the insight doesn't translate into understanding or accepting that she needs help and support.
  • Be prepared that trauma to the brain (physical, emotional, mental, times of high stress) can trigger a relapse to ED, a different type of ED or other mental illness
  • There can still be joy and even peace in the midst of the chaos.We have had to let go emotionally while continuing to love and support from a distance.
  • Don't forget the other kids! Our son is getting the very well deserved attention he couldn't have because his sister sucked the air out of the family. 
  • Practice self-care.My husband and I both see our own Psych about twice a month. I walk, go to the gym, get massages, go out with friends, etc. 
  • Life goes on but mental illness still SUCKS!

 

 


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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #2 
Thanks for the update, mec. I'm so sorry your d is traveling such a difficult road, but glad to hear she happened to land near family. Also glad you are able to focus more on other members of your family and taking care of yourself. Please continue to let us know how things are going - I always wonder how everyone is doing when I happen upon old posts and wonder: "How's mec?" Take care. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
mec

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thanks, Tori:

I came back to update for 2 reasons: I have a lot of friends from here on FB. I have said very little in social media but wanted to expand here on what's happening with d. Also, I want to keep it real. My dd and our family have been held as a flag bearer of success of defeating the ED monster. Well, mental illness lurks in the shadows for a lot of our kids. If my daughter hadn't had a concussion, maybe she would be healthy now. But, her mental illness may have been a ticking time bomb that would have gone off with another trigger such as college, or job stress or pregnancy/birth. She seems to be over the RAN but she turned B&P which is actually quite common among people with ADHD (which she has) or personality disorders. The jury is still out on BPD  since she is still young.


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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
anotherbite_CAN

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Reply with quote  #4 
mec, my friend, my thoughts are with you and family and with your girl.  I have gained so much over the years from your sharing....and, especially from your  'keeping it real'.   Dang!! it is all so complex:  ED's are complex and the intersection of ED and co-morbid dx or a post-morbid dx only increases the complexity.   

Thank you for your take aways.  You have always been able to frame and present things in a way that forces me to think and turn things over. 

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D dx at 10 years old in June 2011. She is now 16 and happy and healthy.  We were IP for 8 weeks and then refed at home for what felt like forever.  We chased vertical growth for years...as is typical for the age.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #5 
I think it's really important for once-active FEASTIES to drop by from time to time to let us know how they're doing, in part because a lot of people wonder how you are. And also, there's so much to learn from the journeys of others - with more pieces of more stories, perhaps someone will be able to put some of the pieces together and shed light on the puzzle that is ED.

So thank you again, mec, for letting us know. When I saw your name, I was hoping for better news, of course. Please know I'll be thinking of you and your d. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #6 
mec..... it is so good to hear from you. I know the news isnt great but I am so glad you posted. You and your family have been such a huge part of ATDT and helping so many of us with our kids. I am so sorry your beloved D has been through so much; concussions, eating disorder and TBI. Life is so unpredictable. Again you come here to let us learn from your experience. You are an amazing woman. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself in the midst of all of this. I'm glad your son is doing well. I will keep you and your family in my heart and prayers. 
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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
GiveMeStrength_US

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Reply with quote  #7 
Wow Mec, have you been reading my posts? I haven't really updated our situation as I feel badly coming back here as I don't want to scare anyone, but these mental health issues can be profound and long-term. No one is the same, but with my D, while the ED seems under control, other issues and struggles have surfaced.  I hear your pain and the loss of control is scary. They are "adults" now and, while they are somewhere on the spectrum, they are not sick enough for institutionalization (a good thing, really) and not well enough to function productively. That can be downright scary.

Recently it has occurred to me how challenging and complex my D's situation is. No clear diagnosis really. Waiting for her mature brain to kick in. Hoping that what she is doing now will "work" but also facing reality of limited choices with a young adult (and trying not to put all my eggs in one basket and believe this is her last, best chance at getting the help and support she needs to become a productive and functioning adult).  D is in a program, but has run twice - both times my heart stopped in my chest and I just sat there worrying, "where is she? what's she doing? will she be OK?" and, of course, it completely calls into question her safety and stability. So I feel for you when you say she has cut you off or she disappears and you aren't sure what she's doing or where she is - I am so glad she has family to count on and that gives you a measure of relief.

This past few months have really ricocheted me backwards in many ways, reflecting on our journey and how we started out with the ED, having to accept the magnitude of the issue and the longevity of treating it. What we have experienced recently with our D's dysregulation and instability and other challenges, has really shaken me to the core in many ways (although I also feel resilient and able to manage in other ways due to our experience). I turned to a good friend for support and she gave me some wonderful advice which may be helpful to you, maybe not.

She counsels women with breast cancer. A patient of hers came to her and said that she had been diagnosed with what was supposed to be a very treatable tumor, no big deal. Turns out, when they went to remove it, she needed chemo and radiation. Ok, she dealt with that. Now, when she's supposed to be free and clear, they want to do another round of chemo. She told my friend that she feels like her life is a GPS and she puts in the destination and as soon as she approaches, the GPS says "left turn" and her life is just a bunch of sharp left turns that keep her from reaching where she is supposed to go.  My friend said that maybe her life right now is not about getting to any particular destination, but "recalculate, recalculate" and adjusting.  That she shouldn't look at her journey as getting somewhere, but just learning to manage and adjust as those sharp left turns occur.

My friend said this is what our life with our mentally ill D is about right now, learning to deal with the crises as they arise, adjusting to new realities and not expecting or focusing on a "destination" for her/us, but understanding this journey is not about getting somewhere (at least, for now). It helped me reframe and deal with what has been going on and, in an odd way, accepting the lack of control gave me more peace in my mind and heart.

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Mom to D 21 in November, behaviors started at 15, hospitalized at 16, IP at 17, FBT at almost 18. Finished second year in college; now abroad in treatment program to deal with co-morbids.
mec

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Reply with quote  #8 
GMS,

We need to come back and update people. This is reality. Mental health disorders are for the long haul. There are a few blessed kids who fall into the food is their medicine category and they are good to go. I thought that was my kid but that was not the case.

The imagery of the GPS is SO powerful! I put it on my FB update. WOW! That totally helped me reframe what my life is like right now. I had come to terms with the process versus outcome issue. My psychologist has been incredibly helpful in telling me "you are still focused on outcome" and re-directing me to focus on the process. We can't focus on outcome when we have no control over a situation because it will disappoint us every time and drive us crazy.

Hate that your dd is still struggling. Your journey has been drawn out and long. We had respite for a few years post Ed and before post-morbid DX. I am thankful for the respite. We needed it and it allowed us to have a relatively "normal" life. However, by the same token, her spiral into mental illness was truly a shock when it came. It was so unexpected and the fact that it was triggered by a TBI made it worse. It seemed that we had a kid who was fairly happy with a job, dreams, and a life and overnight, she turned into a stranger to us.

We do show her that we love her in a variety of ways. I sent her a Subway e-card on Sunday night, as she is looking thinner every day. Whatever else she has to struggle with, we do not want her to go hungry. We have had some very good discussions about the fact that she needs more not less support at this time and that we haven't scratched the surface of pharmacological treatment, which might help make her life so much better. She accepts it but is not ready to reach out for the support.

Meanwhile, we keep recalculating and adjusting every day.

Thank you for those words. They powerfully spoke to me.

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #9 
Mec,
I've read tons of your posts because your D was an athlete and mine was too before all of this. You did a wonderful job. Thank you for keeping it real. We are facing some similar issues although my D is a year younger, so still at home. Also probably BPD, and I do believe it even though she's young for the diagnosis. I think it's imperative to let others know that the ED is one coping mechanism, but may not and probably won't be the only one for our kids. They usually morph into something else and we should all be prepared and watchful. 

Thank you for sharing. I learn a ton from your experience and I really appreciate your authenticity. I need to hear from others so I know we are not the only ones facing this. Thank you! Praying for your D. I'm a faithful person (Hope it's ok to mention this) and so for me, I do not think it's any coincidence that your D ended up very close to family. Please keep us in the loop, if you feel comfortable doing that. And thanks for the self-care tips. I needed them.


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19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
IrishUp

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Reply with quote  #10 
Have ALL THE JEDI HUGS mec (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I know your D is awful lucky & blessed to have such an amazing mom and family.

I have faith that her Wise Mind will continue to reach out to the people who know and love her.

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IrishUp
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Reply with quote  #11 
Hi Mec,

I haven't been on the forum in so long, and I am so sad to hear that your girl is struggling so much. I know she is blessed to have you as her mama, even if she can't recognize it right now. Praying that her brain will heal! Hugs to you!

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GiveMeStrength_US

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Reply with quote  #12 
Mec, I'm glad my GPS analogy was helpful. It was for me. I do think it's about reframing and adjusting right now and maybe for the long haul. It helps me to take it more day by day with less expectations and without letting my own emotional health and well-being ride on that roller-coaster that is my D's mental health.

I am also trying to, again, implement self-care - it's important to keep that up for all those in the trenches and even when you feel you are not. We tend to neglect ourselves and then realize, when things go south, we haven't bolstered up our own emotional reserves by being good to ourselves. Easier said than done, but such an important part of being a caretaker.

I am trying to enjoy my other 2 kids who are home, who no longer live with ED day in and day out. They are shielded from D's struggles and that is critical to giving them the parenting and home life they deserve after all we've been through.  I focus on that, on myself, on my H and our relationship, on working through issues in therapy again (I had stopped going for awhile) and on taking it day by day.

My heart goes out to all of us and I just hope that we all find the strength, support, love and acceptance that guides us through.

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Mom to D 21 in November, behaviors started at 15, hospitalized at 16, IP at 17, FBT at almost 18. Finished second year in college; now abroad in treatment program to deal with co-morbids.
Sadmom

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Reply with quote  #13 
I appreciate so much hearing these stories, even if they are hard and we wish things were different. These stories are real and authentic. They are reality.

If there is anything I have finally learned in our journey, and the journey of many of the YAs I read about here, is that we are not in control of the future. For the longest time, probably throughout my D's life (and my other kids, but they were not sick) and into the first many months of her illness, I thought my extreme organization and planning and knowledge could positively affect the outcome of almost anything. I spent more time worrying about the future than thinking about the present, as I was always thinking ahead, planning, trying to anticipate and troubleshoot problems before they even happened. I thought myself quite successful, actually, because for the most part, when I stepped in, things seemed to go pretty well (or so I congratulated myself).

But what an illness like this has taught me is that we literally do NOT have control over the future of any other person, and not even ourselves.  We think we do, but we actually do not, as these stories show us again and again. Kids who look like they are completely recovered can have a serious life threatening relapse, despite all of the best treatment and intentions. Even healthy children can have an accident, after we have so carefully crafted their futures, and those hopes go out the window. Life happens. We can't predict it or plan for it or worry about it excessively. We just need to react and recalibrate. Yes.

I have wasted literally thousands and thousands of hours worrying about what will happen in the future or lamenting the past. Thousands of hours, and I can never get that time back, My worrying doesn't change the past, nor will it affect the future (except negatively for me). I am only sorry it took my daughter getting so sick and having my entire life collapse for me to realize this.

I have found Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now helpful for me, in staying in the present, in not overthinking what might happen, or in kicking myself for what did happen. The present is the only place we can be right now. Mindfulness, self-care, exercise, etc. really do help.

The GPS analogy is helpful for me too, because it also reflects the idea that we just have to go where life takes us. We cannot always be in the driver's seat or control. So thank you for that.

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mec

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Reply with quote  #14 

Thanks for the support everyone! 

Irish, Thank you for the vote of confidence. I have joined you in the ranks of parenting YAs and all the heartache, frustration and limits that come with that.

Sadmom, I'm with you. I am done worrying about what I cannot control. Yes, there is concern in the back of my mind - always - but it doesn't eat me away, paralyze me or keep me awake at night.  

HateED, absolutely fine to say you are a person of faith here. My faith in God is the reason that I am not losing my mind. I  have zero control over this situation so I have to trust whom I believe does. I steadfastly believe that God is in control of her life and that nothing will happen to her that He does not allow - even if things are not the way that I wish they were. I completely believe that, even though dd left wildly, God took her within miles of her Aunt and Uncle. In fact, dd was so shocked and angry that she had landed near family that she refused for 2 weeks to have anything to do with them. She came around and met with her aunt twice.

Sadly, for a week, she has been in a suicidal stupor. When she is like this, she isolates herself from everyone. So, we are only getting single word texts though she did text me extensively a few days ago and showed me how profoundly ill, unstable and lost she is right now. I keep supporting and showing her how much we love her and send her lots of symbols, pictures and reminders of our happy life together before TBI & abusive boyfriend. I also express that she needs to be on medication and that she won't make it in the Navy when she can't even function in civilian life. She feels hopeless and says that she is just going to let herself hit rock bottom. She can't understand what that will mean in terms of complications and logistics if she does have a massive mental break down while she is out there away from home, her Psych, support, etc. Her Aunt and Uncle would definitively step in if needed but they are not her parents. 


At any rate, we send her Subway Cards and we mailed her a Chick Fil A card yesterday. The one thing we CAN actively do for her is make sure that she has access to food. She gladly accepts the cards for restaurants. 





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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
mec

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Reply with quote  #15 
We bought our tickets and we will be going to AZ in 2 weeks to see our daughter for spring break. We are excited and a bit nervous at the same time. She is SUPER excited to see us and is going to introduce us to the new guy in her life. Aren't these radical moves and changes ALWAYS about a new guy? She was only engaged and living with ex "fiancee" a month ago. A week later, there is a new guy? HELLO??????? I just play it cool - because there is nothing I can do or say that would make sense to a person with a distorted view of life and reality.

She is going on casting calls for acting jobs and modeling. Lord, help this child not end up in a dangerous place with predators or falling back into ED behaviors to fit a certain image. She went on a casting call for a Gap commercial yesterday, Thankfully, boyfriend took her to the place for safety and she insisted on doing the cold read for the commercial rather than being casted for modeling. She will find out tomorrow if she is going to be picked up by the agency or not.

On another note, I think I am going to take a break from social media. Does anyone else get jealous of other people's kids? They are going to college, visiting home, etc. Here I am considering myself blessed that my daughter is alive and hoping that she stays alive, unhurt, not kidnapped into a human trafficking ring, doesn't disappear, etc. I feel as if we live in some sort of alternate reality. At least with the ED when she was younger we had the hope of the weight making a difference. But, this undefined mental illness with a young adult doesn't seem to clear path or a resolution.

My Psych keeps telling me that Faith is awesome - she is also a person of my same faith - but to be careful that I don't put my hope on a particular outcome. How can I not? I mean, I get what she is saying, but I cannot prepare myself in any part of my brain that the outcome could mean death by suicide or other means. If it were to happen, I would have to deal with that and God, my family and my community would sustain me through it. But, I refuse to "go there". Hope for a good outcome and for better days to come keeps me going every day, every hour, every minute. I cling to it as a person in the water clings to a life raft and I will not let it go.

We did define with Psych what constituted an emergency that would make us fly out to intervene: if she ends up in the hospital, in jail (she said that!), or if she was in a state of psychosis and had lost touch with reality.  Of course, if she asks for our help, we would be there in the next flight. This came up because yesterday her ex-fiancee's mother sent me a text saying that dd was texting the ex telling him that she wanted to die and was super depressed. I got copies of the texts and was super worried. I reached out to her former psych in the hopes that he could work with us to section her and get her some help. He was so cold and basically told me he couldn't even tell me if he treated someone by that name. He said he had sought counsel and was told not to say anything to me because that could make him liable. When he wanted to get paid, he promptly reached out to us when dd disappeared from his practice for 2 weeks. He said in general terms, if someone is suicidal call 911. I wanted to say so many things to him, but I just said "I know where you stand on this issue and that is what I needed to know. Thank you". But, I will write him a letter telling him how a little compassion to a desperate parent reaching out to him, would have made such a difference to me. I  need him to understand what parentectomy feels like to a parent. He is the single parent of an 8 year old

We reached out to her Aunt in AZ and she got a hold of d. Then, I got a hold of dd and didn't tell her what I knew but determined that she was not in "that place" at that moment. We think there was an element of histrionics in her texting the ex. It is SO Hard because it we call 911 they can only hold her for 72 hours. Then, they would let her go and she could potentially go off the grid, like she did before. I cannot fly out there every time there is a threat. So, for that reason we defined what would make me fly out there on an emergency basis. Aunt is 30 minutes away and now she has a boyfriend too. I  am hoping when we get out there to take first hand stock of the situation to see what is going on, to the best of my ability.

The good news is that she is starting to realize how badly she needs meds so we are in discussions about what needs to happen so that she can get on some meds and see a psychiatrist for comprehensive treatment.




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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
kas_US

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Reply with quote  #16 
Awe, mec! I am so sorry!!! I wish there was something truly helpful that I could say or do, but I will be praying for you all!
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mec

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Reply with quote  #17 
Kas,

Praying for us, is something truly helpful and thoughtful.

Thank you!

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #18 
Mec,
Gosh - tears welled up in my eyes when you said - with the ED there was at least hope that with weight that things would improve, but with mental health issues, there's no sure solution at something to work toward. Yes! Yes - this is too hard! We don't know how to fix our girls now because food isn't the only answer. And that's scary.

I am amazed at your strength - your D is so lucky to have you. And it's wonderful she's so excited to see you. That must bring you a smile.

I'm a year behind you, but see most of the same things going on with my D, and feel helpless to fix them. She's in DBT also, but never does the homework and just doesn't seem willing or able to help herself. On and off meds and frankly, we have not found the right combination, so she's hopeless about continuing to try them. Hopeless is probably the best word for what it sounds like our kids are feeling, and that's just so sad.

I hope you have a wonderful visit with your D - and that she does begin to accept help and meds. Maybe that's what it takes... giving them, once they are YA, a chance to do it their way while hoping and praying that nothing bad happens in the meantime before they realize they want help. I will be praying that you have a wonderful visit with your D. One thing a mom at a conference I was just at said that gave me great comfort was this: Don't tell God what your child's future is. You don't know. You child's turning point could be in three hours, or three days or three weeks....Only God knows her future. That helps me slog through this minute by minute, day by day. [smile]



__________________
19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
mec

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Reply with quote  #19 
Today, I have a lot of hope that a tiny bit of maturity is kicking in daughter's brain and that she is thinking through *some* of the decisions that she is making. She had a casting call on Saturday and had a call back today. The Director made her walk on the catwalk and told her flat out that she didn't have the heights or WEIGHT!!!!! requirements for fashion modeling. She said "you are not plus size by any extent of the imagination, but because of your height, you don't make the weight/size requirements fashion modeling. (She's a size 4) However, she told her that she had never come across someone with d's coloring and that her eyes were beautiful, striking an unusual and that she knew that she would get lots of jobs in product placement and representation because of her looks. D had researched the agency with the BBB and it was legit and well regarded. 

D told her that she wasn't interesting in modeling but in acting. The director insisted on signing her as a model and told her about the pay and commission they would make, etc. She said that a lot of models move into acting (not true) and that once directors and producers saw her face on print, the acting auditions would come in. D thanked her for the opportunity but rejected the offer.

I praised dd highly for making that choice. She told me that she knew for a fact that the B&P would be triggered by the demands of modeling. She said that just hearing the director tell her that she didn't meet the height and weight requirements was enough to realize that would be a dangerous job for her to have. Besides, she wants to be hired by her talents and not just her looks.

So, I am breathing easier to realize that she is thinking this through. Though she is walking on an edge of a precipice and could fall off the abyss by her impulsive actions, AT LEAST she has a BF who is willing to drive her out of town to these casting calls - so that she doesn't go alone - and she is not willing to fall back into the ED in order to get her foot in the door with a well regarded talent agency.

10 more days and I will be able to kiss and hug my baby girl!

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #20 
Oh yay, mec! So glad to hear the hopefulness in your post! So many little plusses in there - lots of gold stars for your girl ... and for you! xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
kas_US

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Reply with quote  #21 
Wow! Love that your girl is showing some discernment about her limits, but I really, really, really love that the countdown is on for you to be able to get your hands on your baby! I know that will do your heart a world of good! I will continue to pray! <3
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WeNWinning

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Reply with quote  #22 
Mec I- all I can say is that I know how tough all of this is and until they get proper treatment for whatever conditions they have (in addition to the EDO) their precarious recovery and future is vulnerable.

I am so proud of you for coming back to let others know because the sad situation is that so many of our children  have multiple conditions and unless they get a proper diagnosis and full treatment, the road to health is harder.

For those of us with brilliant children who function so well to the outside world and so articulate - it makes it even harder.  

I remember Dr Warren telling us parents at the FEAST luncheon is that so many therapists have egos and want to feel like they are making a difference even if someone is not really getting better.
It is not important that our children like their therapist - but more important that they get evidence based treatment for all their conditions - 

Your identifying how finding a man to fill up the void in her life, is so familiar - it becomes their new crutch and identity, rather than finding their own health and identity first.

We can only find true love and happiness when we love ourselves.

I will keep positive thoughts your way and hope your D does come to some sort of ability to take full care of herself and self-regulate without the destructive ED and other comorbids, driving her behaviors.
So glad you will see your girl and give her a hug and a kiss.  And hoping that the bf will somehow understand what sort of professional pursuits are triggers for any mental illness.  She has many strengths and abilities other than ones that focus on what one looks like

Sending hope and strength to you

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WenWinning (formerly wenlow) - a Mom who has learned patience, determination, empathy, and inner strength to help her young adult daughter gain full remission after over a decade of illness and clinician set inaccurate weights
mec

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Reply with quote  #23 
Wen, 

As you can see, I've joined your YA club, sigh....

Yes, on all counts. She is highly functional short term. She gets hired for every job she applies (even though she has had 6 jobs in the last 15 months!). I am amazed that people STILL HIRE HER! But, she barely functional once she has to do life - once she has to go to work for week after week or be in a relationship month after month. She rapid cycles from depression to manic and back to depression about every 2 weeks. 

She is actually against being a model. The Director emailed her again telling her that her offer was standing whenever she wanted to sign with the agency. Dd told her that she appreciated the offer but she wanted to follow other pursuits. Even though she makes crazy decisions for her life in many areas, I am proud of how she is handling - right now - the pursuit of her career dreams. She wants to act because she loves doing that, is a DRAMA queen and did some acting in HS. I don't know or even think that she will get a break in acting. She is not an acting phenom, doesn't have formal training and has little experience. But, who knows? She got asked to sign as a model with a reputable agency on her very first casting audition, so she may just get a call for acting too. 

She is a phenomenal sales person. She worked for a national car sales company at home. She was with them for about a month and sold about 12 cars. Then, she quit because she broke up with BF and left town. 

So, no matter what job she gets, if she doesn't get help and proper medication, it will fail. I have told her that the same patterns that have repeated themselves over the past 15 months will happen again if she doesn't get proper treatment. 

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
WeNWinning

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Reply with quote  #24 
MEC - yes signing on for the YA years and sometimes beyond.  I think what is important is to realize that the comorbids have an impact on our children and without good solid treatment, meds and therapy it makes it harder for them to gain any insight, self-regulate, etc.  It does sound like your D is making some wise decisions - and she has skills so if you can somehow dolphin her to getting the proper treatment, it will help her have more balance and ability to stick to something positive for herself long term.
Sadly when they find men while ill - to fill a void in their life, - it does not provide them what they need as a woman who has many abilities and potential for a healthy future.  Would love to share with you privately how that has affected my D

Sending strength and hope

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WenWinning (formerly wenlow) - a Mom who has learned patience, determination, empathy, and inner strength to help her young adult daughter gain full remission after over a decade of illness and clinician set inaccurate weights
mec

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Reply with quote  #25 

Wen,

Would love to connect with you. I will send you my number via email.


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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
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