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Mamaroo

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Posts: 129
Reply with quote  #1 
We're halfway through our week long trip and things are starting to unravel. This is our first holiday since our D became ill. And we all needed it.

Monday we drove to our destination and things went well.
Tuesday we went to a chocolate factory and she had hot chocolate 😁. That afternoon we went to friends and she ate some cake and juice, first time in years 😁😁.

However on Wednesday when we went to a cafe she refused the hot chips, only having something to drink. That soured the whole mood and she fought with her dad. I took the leftovers home and we all had it at dinner with some sausage rolls. By the way, she hates white breadrolls, saying it's unhealthy.

Today I made some lunch with the rest of the breadrolls, which she ate without complaining, but at dinner she went through the bin to find the pie wrapper to see the kilojoules ☹, claiming I'm overfeeding her. Huge fight followed and we nearly went home. She eventually calmed and finished dinner and later supper, but this is now turning into another holiday from hell.

I would appreciate any tips, please.

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11. Challenging fear foods now.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Mamaroo,
maybe Wednesday went bad because she felt guilty about what she ate at Tuesday. That´s possible.
Try to ignore what she says about "unhealthy food". Don´t talk to ED. Serve what you thinks is best for her. There are no "unhealthy foods" for someone with ED. Every food is healthy if you have to gain weight...
Try not to go home. The ED wants to go home because its uncomfortable on holidays. Different meal times, different food, no control for ED.
Try to cook as much as you can fresh and without wrappers. Try to cook meals she would eat if you are at home. Get the wrappers out as soon as possible. If she claimes about you are overfeeding her, play the old record: I give you just what you need, I will not make you fat.
Journeys are stress with ED patients. Too much things are different. But thats ED, I think your d likes journeys. Try to do something she really likes. Try to have some nice time together besides the meals. ED has to learn that there are things without control on a holiday trip. That could be a great possibility to win another fight if you stay calm and confident.
Hope you will have some nicer days.
Tina72

Kali

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Reply with quote  #3 

Hi Mamaroo,

I'm so sorry things are difficult with your trip. It sounds a little up and down, as though there have been some moments of progress and the first few days were ok. I understand how disappointing it is that things became difficult.

For some reason, our kids seem to have problems with schedule changes and new situations. When the routine is changed they seem to struggle more. And eating out in a cafe can be a challenge. Maybe she is not ready yet. We had a long time when d. was not able to eat in a restaurant or cafe, and like fear foods, that had to be reintroduced gently and slowly, and we did that by choosing one restaurant and first ordering takeout and eating it at home. When she felt ready to go to the restaurant we first looked at the menu at home before we went and talked about what d. would order before we got there. So if you are planning on going out to eat again can you try a different restaurant and then try bringing up the menu online and decide together what she will be ordering before you go? If she cannot follow through then maybe eating where you are staying is a good option.

I found that letting d. know the day's meal and activity schedule either the night before or when we got up in the morning seemed to help with anxiety because she knew what to expect. 

Are there any things you can do to mimic how you eat at home? Having the same snacks, eating at the same times and eating the same food she eats at home...etc?

Stay calm and try again tomorrow and see how things go.

Warmly,

Kali 


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Torie

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi Mamaroo - Actually, it sounds like you guys are doing pretty well, all things considered.  Worst case, you make it through 1/2 the vacation and then go home.  That's a lot better than no break at all!  It's great that you're even trying this.

I wonder if you have some kind of replacement drink on hand (e.g., Boost, Fortisip) that you can require for the times she refuses what is offered.  

Hang in there and please keep us posted.  Thinking of you.  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
K63

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Posts: 846
Reply with quote  #5 
Hi Mamaroo, look on the positives, she had chocolate and cake and juice. I know we all want holiday to be peaceful and stress free but unfortunately ed also comes on holidays. Stick with it try to stay calm and walk away when you get upset. It appears like she may be feeling guilty and just reassure her it's ok and safe to eat what all the family are having . Tell her you are not letting ed ruin the family holiday. We had plenty of stress while away on weekends away and we all got upset. It's difficult but keep going .
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
Mamaroo

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Posts: 129
Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you all for your suggestions, I've used them and it went a whole lot better 😁.

I've decided to avoid fear foods until after the holiday. So instead of going to the award winning bakery, we spent the morning at the war memorial and historic park and it was great! For lunch I made wholemeal sandwiches instead of white bread (will work on that later).

Afternoon tea, dinner and supper I prepared safe foods and while she was occupied I quickly threw the box into the recycle bin, which was located far from our apartment.

Today was such an improvement, I have new hope for the rest of the trip.

Thanks again for all your encouragement ☺

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11. Challenging fear foods now.
tina72

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Posts: 220
Reply with quote  #7 
Hi mamaroo,
I´m glad that you found a way to get through with holidays and ED. You seem to have found a way to cope with it. Enjoy the trip and leave some battles on the list. Its o.k. You don´t have to win that war today. Try to relax a bit and collect some power.
We wish you some nice days and your family a glimpse of what life could be after surviving ED.
Tina72
Torie

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Reply with quote  #8 
Yay!!!  You rock, mamaroo!!  So glad things are going better.  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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