Registered: 1512174378 Posts: 9
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d came back from in hospital a week ago. as soon as she returned home she went back on her promises - to eat what we give her, to not exercise, to listen to parents.
would not let her plate food. when we give her a plate she squishes it, throws it out, screams and wants something much less and different. every meal is a negotiation for less/different/something else. stands all day long. sometimes for 10-12 hours a day. continues to go up and down the steps. hours of talking about giving up control fall on deaf ears. reminder that we may end up back in hospital do not scare her. incentives to be back in school do not result in change of behavior. says i know what i have to do but i cannot do it and i dont want anyone to tell me what to do "... i dont want even a smidgen of control over me..." does not believe anything is wrong with her. loosing weight steadily. down to about 82% of required weight. vitals are all ok. no matter how hard we try, how we slice and dice it; she eats about 1700-1800 calories a day and no more. almost like she has a super computer in her brain that tells her the exact caloric count. she has made up her mind to not gain weight regardless of consequences. we are almost ready to take her back in-hospital. what should we do.
Registered: 1284535839 Posts: 3,295
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Transitions are hard. They are especially hard for someone with an eating disorder. Those promises she made are truly not keepable for her, her anxiety gets in the way. The only way she can do this is if she feels she has no other option - so what can be done? No one here ever got their child to promise to eat all they were given, not to protest, not to exercise and had them keep that promise. If it is going to succeed at home, and sometimes it can't, then. It is up to us to not negtotiate, to redirect the screaming and exercise and insist on what is not negotiable, food and stopping exercise.
Barricades, locks, bear hugs, long drives in the car, increasing food have all been used as means to try to stop exercise, insist on sitting. Going to activities where sitting is essential, we attended a lot of movies, mostly bad ones.
Meals it comes down to the same thing. She can't reason with her eating disorder, so we shouldn't try either. We can empathise, offer them love and support, but she still has to do the terrifying thing of finishing those meals. Making things not at all negotiable is your best bet. She cannot see past that meal at the time, so hospital in a few days is of no consequence at all. __________________ D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Registered: 1385153142 Posts: 1,142
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Food support is right. Your d has not ‘made up her mind’. Her mind has been high jacked by ED. My d couldn’t remember even the most stand out moments from when she was really ill. Her brain was not working at all.
So, pjdj, it is not up to your d to keep promises. She needs someone else to fight ed for her. Can you do it for her? What kind of support do you have from her team? They should be advising you now. Do you have a family, community, or faith support? Now is the time to ask for the help you need.
It might be that you need another admission to reset and make a better plan. If I were you I would be asking her team to help me help her.
You could also read in the hall of fame section (sorry, I’d give you a link but I’m on my phone and it’s almost impossible). There is information about transitioning from hospital to home.
Ask us here if you have any specific questions.
I know it’s heart-breaking to see your d fall back in her promises to you. Please understand that it is not her fault. She just needs lots more support to get better.
xoOTM __________________ D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old.
Registered: 1512174378 Posts: 9
Reply with quote #4
Thank you all! Fighting the battle. Still restricting a lot but have managed to keep the weight consistent. She is around a 100 pounds now but today was a bad day. She has figured out how I add extra to her meals. It is very taxing on us but hoping tomorrow be better