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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #26 
Marcella. Thank you- you always put things down so well on here. I feel like you have been my mother hen for many months/ years !
So tired, my respite is my work or when d is at work. Sometimes I have to deal with my son who struggles with it all as well. So the respite is not complete freedom to relax.
Not ideal but I have no family close by. Those that I do have may not get it at all. Or be willing to have her. My friends would not want her. They have elderly parents with all sorts of ailments to contend with.
I get up early and walk with a friend on the beach before anyone is up most weekends. If the tide is in when d is at work I sail for a few blissful hours. I also work term time so in the holidays when d is at work I hope I can get out. H will be working. We never get any time together. We can't talk freely in the house as the twits listen in.
I am waiting for September when she will work full time. It will be make or break. She will be 17 in September and we will have a year to access IP if she breaks. I think she will break and mess up work in favour of her ed.
I hope I am wrong.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #27 
Weigh day and d gained 600g and hit 52kg. The therapist who weighed her said would she like to talk? Why didn't she just talk to her instead ffs? So d said no and left. F ing useless next person. So that relationship is not taking off at all and as far as I can see the therapist is making no effort.
So d came home and started cooking a lamb chop for breakfast. H confronted her to stop her and the abuse that was hurled his way made him react badly. That escalated to smashed plates a litre of oil was thrown across the room. She hit him. He pushed her away. She bit him and walked out. She rang to say she was going to kill herself.
This was while I was at work trying to function normally.
Some hope.
I came home to try to help h.
D missed her bloods appt and her medication review.
Police went out looking for her as after an hour she was no where to be found.
Great day.
Hello wits end.
Camhs don't give a stuff.
[frown] [frown] [frown]

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
BJUK

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Reply with quote  #28 
Oh Nelly, I am so sorry to hear this - did she come home?
Torie

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Reply with quote  #29 
Oh my,  What a miserable day.  I'm so sorry that the "help" never seems to help - sure hope your d came home or is safely with her bf. Will be waiting anxiously to hear about the rest of the day.

Hang in there!!!

xx

-Torie

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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #30 
Well she snuck in and went to her room while we were out looking and was discovered ok. The mood continued all day long. H went to work and left me with her.
Simba went to his girlfriends all evening and stayed over. He was in a state and angry that we are not sending her to a private hospital. He doesn't quite get that it's £1000 a week and we can't cover that. I may look into what is available though. She won't go in willingly. Big stumbling block!

Ds bf arrived for the evening here so everything was calm but he is fed up with her tantrums and moods.
We had a piercing or two when she came back. That hurt her and I took her to have the nose ring taken out. She kept the tongue stud in.
Yuk.
What next?
I am so disappointed with the therapist. She is another moron in my league table.
Looking forwards to the MHA on weds after yesterday's antics.
Wonder what surprises that will bring if I can get d there.


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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
BJUK

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Reply with quote  #31 
So glad she is safe Nelly. We had the piercing thing here, it is very common among those with EDs for some reason.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #32 
Our d has been under the mental health act twice,I assume that's the only thing that acronym stands for?so many acronyms ,so little time...the first time it meant she and the hospital had to accept that's where she was headed,the second time was because she wasn't eating at residential so she was sectioned again, put back into hospital once more and then returned back to her residential place where she actually ate and has kept on eating.i know your d has bulimia,not anorexia,but I guess what I'm trying to say is that when they are put under the mha,it doesn't matter what they want,they have to do what is required of them .and so do the hospital.they can't overturn the decision for at least two weeks and faced with going into court they often back down anyway.that was certainly the case with our 16 year old.make sure you get a copy of the mha and that you make it work for you.if there is any way to find residential,I know you said it's hard to find,but there might be a way under the mha that wasn't available before.hope something changes for you soon,
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Trytrytry

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Reply with quote  #33 
This is going to sound harsh but d knows what acceptable behviour is, she has kept a job, and boyfriend. She goes home to indulge I. Binge/purge and physically assaulting you. She knows right from wrong. You are just being bullied. Put your foot down. No living or shelter or food unless she abides by your basic, common courtesy rules. She has shown she is capable of behaving eg at work, if she is able to pick and chose how she behaves she has control over her behaviour and shouldn't be allowed to hide her bad behaviour under the guise of being ill. For eg, psychotic patients see. Hallucinations etc all the time, not just at home when with their parents.
You need to not allow her a safe place to purge.
I vote for No Food at home, you buy meal to meal for your family and no other food in the house. She will soon use all her money earnt on binge foods and be forced to face her issues

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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #34 
The care co ordinator rang to say the independent bod who has to be present at the MHA is double booked. Can't do tomorrow now. What a joke. He was trying to get another AMP whatever they are. I will await a call tomorrow. We will be waiting by the phone ready and hoping d will still go. Increasingly unlikely.
Regarding daily shopping. I do buy less now and I hide food away. My son has a fridge in his room. It's small.
My husband works shifts and I like to have breakfast in the morning so does everyone else except d. So shopping daily is out of the question. Twice a week in about all I can do and even then it's a struggle.
Will update on the MHA if it happens.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #35 
Our d didn't have to be there as under the mental health act it doesn't matter how they feel,they are put under it for their own good.so it needed two psychiatrists to be there and a parent to agree and witness,our d got told after.we did it because it was necessary,it gave us access to hospital.although she has now been taken off it ,she can be put back under it at any time.we have found it to be an effective way of making her accept treatment.this is just a glitch nelly,it will happen.hold on.
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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #36 
The Mental Health Assessment went ahead and despite D saying she felt increasingly suicidal they decided she was not detainable and should continue with the current care package. I guess its not a consideration that the current care package has made things worse.

Care package - bespoke no less, is weekly weighing and bloods.

SLAM is the next hope - 3rd August for recommendations of outpatient treatment. I was nearly in tears when asked how bad things are to cope with at home. I am done in completely. It's not about me or H or Simba, just D.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #37 
Well, after the MHA, we had D's employers on the phone. They say she is too ill to start her apprenticeship. They want to see a full recovery before they will re-consider her. 
She will not get her GCSE so its back to college to re-take those.
Feeing so low right now. That job was to be her saviour. Or not.
How low will she go?
She doesn't see friends.
Boyfriend has had enough. I will be amazed if it lasts beyond the holiday if he goes.
Apprenticeship / Job is lost.

h and I are considering who will give up work to look after her as college is so part time. Samba is at that college, this could send him into meltdown as well.

This illness sucks.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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Reply with quote  #38 
Hi Nelly-uk, you are so strong to keep going through this difficult journey, I know that right now it's terrible that she will miss out on the apprenticeship but her health is number one. During the year we had to take our d out of school and she ended up ip it had to be because she was so ill. The school year has come and gone d is along way from recovered but is in a better place now as she is not on the way down as she was this time last year .. This time will come and go and with your support your d will improve and go on to do it again.thinking of ye.It make recovery so difficult when professional supports are failing .
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Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #39 
Well d went in to see manager and have hair done and she has been given a month to make changes. This is not what the manager said to me. I am staying well clear of this issue. I have no idea what d said but se must have pulled on their heart strings.
Anyway, whilst I am glad, I will be amazed if she can do it.
We have our holiday for two weeks when she may get the chance to break the patterns.
I know this too will pass, but we are finished as a family. It has destroyed us and if we have to quit work to care for her we will but that will affect our housing costs, car costs, son going to uni costs. Absolutely fed up, depressed , ill. H has had a migraine all day. He has been told due to the severity they may be something more serious.
Yes this will pass but so too is our life. I feel robbed totally.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Trytrytry

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Reply with quote  #40 
That is so **** at least you got some respite when she was at work.
Wonder if part of the reason they don't want to section her is then they know they have to find a non-existent bed.

And she must be feeling bad too, failing at job, school and no one to help. Without a job she won't be earning any money that she can use to binge/purge - hope she doesn't take up other pursuits.

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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #41 
Without her job she would have to go to collee and re do gcse so big motivation not to mess up. But she already thinks she will get away with just an apple for breakfast and salad for dinner if she stops throwing up.
She can't cope with the food staying in unless it doesn't feel like it's there.
I am going to look through college prospectus so we have a plan. She will see what the alternative is then.
Yes our respite was her work and her bf. If she doesn't have those we also lose any small space we had.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Trytrytry

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Reply with quote  #42 
What does she feel about everything? Work have rejected her, the BFs is rejecting her (her with ed) do you think anything will entice her to hospital, or alternatively get so upset that she does something dangerous and ends up there for SH? I know ed is just one problem, I am sure you have already tried to get help for anything.

It sounds like she has been hanging on. By a tether and finally unravelled, failed exams, failed work, BF going, yet she can't see it, the joys of ed.

Is there any way you could make her go to hospital, but even then someone needs to give you a bed so that isn't helpful.
Where would they take her if you said that she isn't welcome in your house anymore (as work have fired her etc) hypothetically would she go somewhere where she could get help or just get lost in the foster system from one place to the next. Just curious, or can she go to juvenile jail? It sounds harsh but I am sure she has done a few illegal things - can you get help through the legal system? Just curious

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I want a realistic dr and team, not someone who says what I want to hear and not a 'touchy feely nice' dr that doesn't have success.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #43 

Trytrytry, I rang the urgent help service and they have closed her case because she does not want to engage with them. No skin off my nose, but sometimes they helped me!
I asked what the criteria was for bulimia to get IP and there is none other than bloods and weight and mental capacity. She can volunteer to go in, we cannot volunteer her any longer as she is over 16.
The nurse said bulimia often lasts into adulthood and having children is sometimes the only thing that changes anything.
If we kick her out she would be in supported housing maybe or on her own on benefits.
If her health will not allow her to work or go to college she may be able to get ESA - employment support allowance but that is very hard for mental health, mainly due to sufferers hiding it and pretending to be fine when they are not. A GP certificate is no longer enough to claim benefit on, the DWP assessment determines benefit entitlement.
She has to stay in education until she is 18, so in theory she will be enrolled in college. Whether she attends will be another matter.
The legal system is not appropriate on so many levels and not applicable as she has not broken the law.
It's all so grim.


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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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Reply with quote  #44 
O Nelly your journey is such a long painful one for your D, you and your family and my heart goes out to you.

The constant anxiety and worry of her purging and the effects on her bloods must be awful.

I use to think Bulimia was easier to treat than Anorexia but boy have you educated me to the fact that they are both a nightmare.............!!

Your child is still so very young and though I understand the apprenticeship is an incentive there will be lots of other opportunities in the near future and her employers sound like they care.

She really does need IP before the golden age of 18 creeps up on you..........I wish she would agree and hope and pray she will very soon

you are a great mother with great strength..........hugs xxxxx

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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #45 
We have had two and a bit days of no binge purge at all.
It's get fit or lose the job. The hairdressers have said they will give her part time work and see how well she is in a fees weeks time . Monday off on holiday so we will be working hard to change things.
These days have not been easy though. Her meds changed and the fluoxetine dropped to 10 ml /40 Mgs and that has had a huge effect on her. She is not coping well.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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Reply with quote  #46 
Keep going Nelly. I know the apprenticeship is an important part of the plan for your d. Hopefully it might give her some incentive. Hugs
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Reply with quote  #47 
Keep going!  Hope she can keep motivated.
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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #48 
Wow- her mood is so much better. She is excited about our holiday.
I treat her like a toddler now when she behaves like one. Still getting the stress. She does seem calmer away from work strangely.

Yesterday for the first time in months we went out for a bike ride. We stopped at the marina for a drink and carried on. No temper tantrums. No extreme speed. Just a lovely bike ride along the coast to millionaires row.
A good day mood wise.
She vomited her lunch up as she ate the wrong things. But wasn't starving after. So it couldn't have been bad.
She is constantly checking she is not fat. I don't know what will happen if she puts on weight on holiday.
I will try to focus on how she feels energy wise. That's what will get her job back.
Otherwise we are going to see the local college.
Au revoir for now.
Bonjour la France!

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
ooKoo

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Reply with quote  #49 
Bon voyage.....wishing you a lovely holiday! I hope you all get the chance to relax a little, you deserve it. x

We have got three weeks before our holiday in France....to go or not to go...that is the question.....we will see what the next 3 weeks bring.....x

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UK - South East

17.5 yo D

Dx AN Feb 2015 (Aged 15). Pre-existing low self-esteen and high anxiety. 

2015: 3 x medical hospital admissions. 1 month in IP which she self discharged from [eek].
2016: 3 x hospital admissions.
2017: Currently attending CAMHS CBT. WR, at college, living life to the max.

On particularly rough days when I am sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. [Author Unknown]
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #50 
I feel that it's not so far and we can drive back but we would be in no better position at home.
The UHS have closed out case without telling the care co ordinator. Good old West Sussex ED service!

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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