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ooKoo

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Reply with quote  #126 
Nelly!

It sounds as though the tide is turning! Our mantra is "baby steps" ....your D is taking steps.....this one seems bigger than a baby step! Keep inwardly smiling and give yourself a secret high five.

Kx

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17.5 yo D

Dx AN Feb 2015 (Aged 15). Pre-existing low self-esteen and high anxiety. 

2015: 3 x medical hospital admissions. 1 month in IP which she self discharged from [eek].
2016: 3 x hospital admissions.
2017: Currently attending CAMHS CBT. WR, at college, living life to the max.

On particularly rough days when I am sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. [Author Unknown]
Torie

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Reply with quote  #127 
Nelly, I can't tell you how ecstatic I am to hear of this good turn of events.  So so SO glad to hear all this good news from your end, I can barely stand it.

Hugs,

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #128 
And ... AND ..... ATDT friends - I had to change a pair of jeans yesterday from size 6 to size 8!!! Yay!
Shame she came home drunk last night. Oh well, work today. Beach for me!

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
ooKoo

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Reply with quote  #129 
We had a drunken d last Saturday......is it very wrong of me to think of all the extra calories consumed in the drink?? Maybe she needed to really let go and unwind, as she has been really quite lovely since!

Good news about the jeans.....I am going to burn the bloody size 6 jeans we have......

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UK - South East

17.5 yo D

Dx AN Feb 2015 (Aged 15). Pre-existing low self-esteen and high anxiety. 

2015: 3 x medical hospital admissions. 1 month in IP which she self discharged from [eek].
2016: 3 x hospital admissions.
2017: Currently attending CAMHS CBT. WR, at college, living life to the max.

On particularly rough days when I am sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. [Author Unknown]
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #130 
Dear Nelly,

I was at the ANZAED conference on Friday & Saturday & heard Ivan Eisler speak about the importance of families & the role they can & must play in recovery. I had the opportunity to speak with him one on one for a few minutes & particularly spoke about some of the really poor results from the CAHMS system in the UK & particularly asked him about his knowledge of FEAST & ATDT he was well knowledgeable about us & the good things from here. So I gave him a bit of back ground on your journey & he said he will have a look at all your posts. So here's hoping that he looks soon!

Wow a change in jean size oh WOW!!


Great work you have done!


Warm & Kind thoughts to you

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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #131 
Oh poop!
Yesterday d was starving so she ate quite a bit. It clearly was too much because she went out ' round the block' for a walk. She often cycled to relax but not walking. I checked later on and there was a huge pile of her food vomited up down an alley.
When confronted she got angry and said stop going on.
The worse thing was she hid it and purposely went out to vomit. Often we go for drives. Not this time.

Anyway, this has sent h down on a spiral of anger and doubt about everything d does.
I am scared this is a major slip and we are back where we were.
I keep telling myself it won't be plain sailing but I am still anxious and scared.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #132 
Breathe nelly.just breathe.remember,the voice is always going to be there and sometimes they listen to it.mostly she isn't,but today your d had a slip up.the less fuss that is made the better probably.this is something we are learning for ourselves as our d is trying to recover,that when she says something about water loading,or she has a time where she vomits,or just when she has to go back again to hospital,that the more matter of fact that we are about it,the less emotional we react,the better,because something in my over reaction in particular can trigger worse behaviour.when we just say,ok,today didn't go so great,tomorrow is another day,it gave the anorexia less ammunition to fight us with.i am still in the very early stages of learning to react like this,but we are already seeing less of these things happening.
Hopefully today was just a bad day,tomorrow will be better.

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Sotired42
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Reply with quote  #133 
Sorry that there has been some steps backwards, but lets try a re-frame. 

Yesterday D had not been eating enough and in compensation binged. This caused her excess anxiety and she felt compelled to purge. She did this by going out for a walk, and did not let me know that she was so distressed. 

This sounds pretty much as expected for someone who is the very early stages of working towards recovery. There will be slip ups and steps backwards, because she has to learn to deal with the anxiety which drives her restricting, binging and purging in the first place. It would be surprising if she doesn't have more of these. She has had a severe and serious eating disorder for more than four years. She made a mistake, it is expected. Now what can be done to stop what happened at the start of this to then change the outcome?

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #134 
Well, that is the million dollar question. To eat regularly is the answer and she does this at work and when possible at home. Very reluctant stroppy young adult.

We are visiting the college today where she will do her day release.
She is having a maths assessment which is her worst subject. The outcome decides what level of qualification she can work towards. I didn't tell her that as it could be too much pressure.
Anyway, it is the same building as IBM HQ so it's a flashy glass office with a huge atrium and cafés. It's another world to what she is used to and it's impressive. Let's hope her maths brain is switched on for once.
After a large lunch today she went off in the pouring rain for a bike ride. Was back a few minutes later looking happier. A purge?
I hate this.
Evening was binge and purge - the purge was because I said the wrong thing. If I said you have won the lottery it would have been the wrong thing.
Lots of anger and frustration in the house especially from h.

After the maths assessment which was assessed at the age of a 9 year old we are wondering if there is something else wrong. At age 10 d was average. Afte five years in high school she has dropped. In ability. Just don't get it.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Elena

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Reply with quote  #135 
Binging and purging just doesn't seem fair. It is a horrid place to be for you and your D. There just isn't as much research into the best ways to treat it, so it seems that the experts don't really know. I can imagine that after all these years that you are so over it all. Wish I could give advice, but all I can do is send best wishes. We are refeeding our D (EDNOS), and trying to stop the B&P, but short of never sleeping again and never working again and watching her every minute of the day, it is very hard to put a stop to it. Nothing about EDs makes sense, but bulimia seems worst of all. It is all so hateful, but the fact that you are still there fighting the 'beast' shows how much you love your D. Hoping that tomorrow is a better day for you.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #136 
It all seems to be the product of boredom seeing as it's when she is at home she does it. She is not busy so she refuses to do a thing. Yesterday she could have done something to help get through the maths assessment but she didn't. Instead she had her eyelashes done and b/p.
When I suggest something she refuses.
She is putting herself on a risky situation and then it goes wrong. Then she is upset.
This is the case for several years and she hasn't worked it out yet.
I am beginning to wonder if she has a learning problem as well.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #137 
Could your d have dyslexia?my middle kid does and initially everything was affected.took me 3-4 years to teach her her times tables and until I started doing the speed tests with her at home she couldn't get them done in the required time.took me about a year of doing 30 mixed problems for her to increase her accuracy and speed.the times tables drove me nuts but I taught her them before I found out it's supposed to be impossible to teach dyslexics them,so I just kept going.
It could of course be something else,but if spelling and reading are a trouble too(I don't know if they are or not) it's well worth getting this looked into.dyslexic kids often think they are dumb,stupid and often people think they are lazy instead of thinking they might have a learning difficulty.this then leads to all sorts of problems.although we knew there was something up,we still didn't get a diagnosis til our d was 10 I think it was.but with proper supports in place she has made great strides and she is doing very well with a healthy self image.now,if we can just do that for her an sister...

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momofalexa

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Reply with quote  #138 
Just as an fyi nelly, I cant remember where I read it but I definitely saw a study showing that bulimia can actually cause permanent damage to the brain- it certainly affects memory and information processing, so it could be that it also impacts other aspects of 'intelligence'? Sometimes I think its just because our kids have so much else going on in their brains that they cant focus on things like maths or science... 
Elena

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Reply with quote  #139 
Oh Nelly, how tough! There is a mathematics equivalent to dyslexia, but I can't remember what it is called. We are trying to find our D a tutor to help her with Maths and Science, but mostly just because she has missed out on so much school. There are tests for all sorts of learning difficulties, but certainly in Australia they are very expensive to have done. So sad to see our kids not reaching the potential that we know they have. Sometimes we just have to hang in there and just love them no matter what, and I'm sure you are doing exactly that.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #140 
Hmmm sadly in their wisdom the government have decided with the best intentions that from this year everyone over 16 must gain their maths and English before they can do anything else. So she cannot do any qualification now without maths and English.
If she is unable to get maths and English she will be written off. The fact she is creative and kind and loves hairdressing is irrelevant if she can't get maths(she is ok at English- it's in the bag!)
If an adult presents later in life to the welfare state and does not have maths and English they have to do a course to pass.
I don't know how that works for foreigners who stay here and are clever but don't have the English equivalent.
I am gla she has to do it, but not at the cost of a creative practical career forever.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #141 
Dyslexia comes in many forms.your d could be good at English,bad at spelling and maths.if she thinks in pictures,not words this would mean she is a visual spatial learner who sees things easily in 3-d,eg hairdressing.they are also usually pretty kind cause they know what it means to struggle which helps them understand other people's struggles.dyslexic kids are visual spatial learners so need extra time to do stuff often.if you are truly convinced that's not your path,keeping in mind that dyslexic kids are often smart enough to hide their struggles with academic world and more likely to develope poor coping mechanisms such as eating disorders,drug use etc,then a maths tutor to cover enough to get your d what she needs will probably do the trick.i dunno,I'm 42 and failed maths since I was 15, I'm a qualified ece teacher,so lack of maths didn't hold me back.that is so weird that she needs it for hairdressing which is a creative job,not a numbers game. Is that really a law in England?sounds very discriminatory.human rights should come in to that one!
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Elena

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Reply with quote  #142 
I'm not sure why governments have to make things harder for us!!!! I'm not sure I 'get' the 'you are not good at Maths, so we'll stop you from doing what you are good at' notion. It sounds crazy to me, especially when kids have been/are ill!!!!! I'm glad not to be in the UK. For goodness sake, we need people who are clever with their hands and who are artistic, and our kids need jobs where they can achieve and feel fulfilled, and maybe not totally stressed all the time!!!! AAAGH! I'm feeling frustrated for you. Best wishes....
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #143 
Yup, I just re checked the GOV.UK website and if you fail to complete Maths and English functional skills to a pass level then you cannot complete your apprenticeship. This is new from this year. This is the right wing idea of progress.

Therefore the employer and training provider get penalised regarding funding. This will mean that many kids with any learning difficulties such as dyslexia will be discriminated against. Employers will not want them. 
They will have to stay in education - one size fits all style, until age 18. They will have another two years of educationally failing and feeling rubbish. All at the time and age when there is alcohol, drugs etc on offer easily.

Or they can work, become skilled in something but never get the piece of paper that confirms this to apply for other jobs because they didn't get maths and english. Keeping them in their place at the bottom of society on a minimum wage. 
Survival of the fittest, physically and mentally set in place from such a young age.

DYCALCULIA is the maths dyslexia condition name. It is a known learning difficulty and mental health issue that has strategies for resolution/ over coming it in teaching styles. There is a test for its diagnosis. There are resources available. Clearly schools do not test for this. 

I know I am over reacting here, but after 5 years at high school I cannot believe it is only now that I am having to research and consider this. When it is too late to address it and get a decent education.

She may not have it of course. I am in hysterical mother mode today.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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Reply with quote  #144 
Actually i do not think that the b/p was out of boredom. more likely it was/is your ds way to deal with the stress of the testings and changes in her future regarding college. maybe you could work out strategies together how to deal with situations like this? encouriging, calming down, make schedule for learning...?
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #145 
We had to get our d tested privately as once again NZ doesn't provide for this unless you pay for it,so if there is a chance you can get it done,even just so you can rule it out,if it was me,I would.and it's better to know now if she does have dyslexia,than for her never to know and think she is dumb or too stupid to understand when actually she's bright but needs a different learning style.could she just do the tutoring at home and then sit the test.if she is maths dyslexic,you are usually entitled to extra time in exams by the way if she is.does your d have to sit the exam in a school environment?what will other people facing this have to do,will they have to sit it in a school or is it online?i would ring the ministry of education,explain your ds situation and ask what options are available for a 16year old apprentice to sit exams in,seeing as she has left school.can camhs help with getting your d tested for dyscalculia or with the exam situation?no harm in asking anyway.we still pay for private tutoring for our dyslexic d but it has been worth every cent.its not too late nelly.it just changes the game a bit.
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Elena

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Reply with quote  #146 
Don't you have any anti-discrimination legislation for disabilities? Dyslexia and I assume dy(s)calculia (no idea how to spell it) here (Australia) are considered to be 'learning disabilities' and therefore get covered under disabilities acts.

I really don't get how they can discriminate against a 'learning disability' .... except, the problem is that you would have to have the testing done to prove it, bother, that testing is expensive. My non-ED d had to be tested for dyselxia privately here, and it cost under $1000, but not much under. 

How utterly frustrating! And I'm sure the last thing your D needs is more testing ... it all feels like they like to hit people when they are down. I've no idea what you should do, possibly 'run in circles, scream and shout' then sit down and have a good cup of tea/coffee/wine ...whatever your poison is.

We understand 'hysterical mother mode', we can all do it quite well when the need arises ... best wishes.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #147 
I have gone camping for the night to a field not far away but far enough. I shall run in circles etc!!
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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #148 
Run a few for me.i hate anorexia so much
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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #149 
I wimped out due to torrential rain for several hours. The tent and hubby are still there. I returned home sliding sideways down the hills and wet chalk roads. It was so so far up a steep track. I would never have got up it again.
Anyway- sleeping like a starfish tonight!!

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #150 
Oh well,you tried.i fell asleep from stress,slept through when I should have been preparing dinner.d was absolutely foul to me,didn't handle it well.not much in life goes the way we plan it[frown]
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