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ed_newbie

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Reply with quote  #1 
Well this morning was interesting to say the least.  

D was told last night she would need to eat breakfast if she planned to go to school next day.  Advised that she planned to "eat clean" this week, and would have fruit for breakfast.  I respond with "hmmm" and go to bed.  

Wake up this morning, H puts scrambled eggs made with heavy cream on her plate. Ranting and raving ensues.  H heads off to work and D makes herself half a banana and half an apple and eats it, grabs her coat and backpack and stands by front door and says "ok I'm ready, let's go to the bus stop".  I calmy walk into the other room and tell younger brother that he is about to hear a lot of screaming, that it's ok and not to worry, that I will probably need to drive sister to school and will be back in time to get him to his own bus stop.  

Back to the kitchen, I say "no school until you eat your eggs".  High pitched screeching and verbal abuse ensues for 15 to 20 minutes as clock ticks and bus is missed.  Remain completely calm and stoic in the face of assault, say very little.   D finally eats eggs.  I drive her to school and get back in time for her patient brother to catch us his own bus.

I will count this as a small victory over ED.  No turning back now.

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"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

13 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
mamabear

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Reply with quote  #2 
That is a HUGE VICTORY!!!!!!!!!

YOU GO!!!!!!!

You did EXACTLY the right thing…that is awesome!

Such a great job being calm and helping your son understand and remain calm.

Keep going! 

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sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #3 
Well done you!  It is extremely hard to stay calm in the face of all the screaming and ranting....BUT you did, and showed d that ED is not going to be tolerated in your home.

Stand firm.  More battles likely, but hopefully they will become fewer and farther between.

Your d will realize that she must eat, in order to do the things she wishes outside the house.

Hang in there!

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It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
mdmama

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Reply with quote  #4 
GREAT job. And now you will have the memory of this success to encourage you the next time she puts up a fight. You can do this! 

By the way, as someone with two children who are younger than my ED child, I'm impressed by your forethought-- warning the little brother that there will be some shouting but that it's going to be okay and his day will go on as scheduled. It would have been so easy to forget to reassure him until AFTER she started to get upset, and I think giving him advance warning was brilliant. 

Stay strong...

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D diagnosed with AN November 2015 , the week she turned 12. Gaining slowly but steadily, fingers crossed...
iHateED

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Reply with quote  #5 
We love to hear the small victories on here because we all get it!  Sending you a high-five across the miles!
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #6 
Awesome news.however to make sure the food stays in,it it recommended that they rest for at least half an hour at least after eating.otherwise you run the very real risk that as soon as your d got to school she either exercised those calories away or purged them.school is a tricky thing whilst they are sick as it provides so many opportunities for exercise and purging.we used to get our d up early so that she had time to have breakfast and rest.this is vital as the longer the food stays in,the more chance it has to be digested.our d also only went to part days for a while as we had to focus on health.
I'm sorry for being a bit of a downer,but I learned it all the hard way so I don't want other people to have to.

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Sotired42
goodenoughmum

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi ed-newbie!

Well done you!!!!!!!!!

I agree with mdmama - brilliant foresight with her b! I will need to stow that one away!

I also agree with Sotired about movement as I need to stop my d from incessant fidgeting after she has a meal to try and capatilize on the meal she has just eaten. We are about to formulate a return to school plan as we are very anxious not to slow weight momentum.

As iHateED said - high 5 from Australia!!!!


ed_newbie

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Reply with quote  #8 
So very grateful for your support and also the forewarning from sotired because you are so right! She is not currently allowed to participate in Phys Ed at school (aka gym class) but decided to "sneak" it in today. She admitted this to me and her nutritionist who we saw this afternoon. Feeling good that she remains honest but I have read too many posts to accept that she/ED will continue to tell me the truth when asked.  So, I will be following up with the school in the morning to enforce that she is excused from gym until further notice.  And so the battle continues...
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"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

13 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
Psycho_Mom

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi,
Very very excellent superb job yay!!
I would like to point out something. You first went and gave warning to your son (good job, just for his sake) and told him the driving plan. You can be SURE that your d heard this plan. (Normal kids have big ears; kids with ed have way bigger ones.) So she knew by your actions and by your preparations that you were serious about not taking her to school until she ate. 

I'd caution that she will continue to test you, sooner or later. And so she'd better know that there's no time limit (ie, she may try to find out what will happen if she stalls breakfast until her brother needs to be taken to the bus.) So have a contingency plan for getting little brother to the bus, and let her know that you are prepared to sit there with breakfast until lunchtime, if necessary (and then add lunch to breakfast.)

Great job, this is the way to do it.

best wishes,

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D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
goodenoughmum

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Reply with quote  #10 
The lying part is always interesting.  I am aware that ED can cause our trusting children to do and say things they wouldn't normal think of.  My d is intelligent, sensitive and had always told the truth.  I was crushed to find out only when she had a blood test that when asked if she had eaten her breakfast, she told the nurse she tipped it down the sink and had been doing it for months.  At that time she felt remorse.  But as ED gains more control over our kids this behaviour becomes more entrenched with my d rather than telling me lies just shrugs her shoulders and silent. 
ED thrives in secrecy.  As my h says - be alert not alarmed.

hang in there!
mamabear

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Reply with quote  #11 
It is crazy how they find ways to burn energy. My Ds teacher called me because D was sharpening her pencil 30 times a day. She said she'd grind them to a pulp with biceps of steel to the point of sweating. So D got to use a pen instead which pissed Ed off a ton! She would also make mistakes on purpose to power erase...and drop her pencils in pens so she could do squats.

Damn those days sucked! Now I can hardly get her to move!

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ed_newbie

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Reply with quote  #12 
What a difference this morning.  She came to the kitchen, asked me to put the maple syrup on her french toast but otherwise not a peep out of her.  She ate the whole thing and caught the school bus.  Phew!!  
__________________

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

13 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
K63

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Reply with quote  #13 
Hi ed- newbie, that's great news, yesterday' mornings battle was worth having and ed knows you mean business. Watch closely that she is supervised after eating breakfast and does she have lunch supervision at school. I was always suspicious when ed was quiet. Keep going and take care of yourself.
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Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
ed_newbie

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Reply with quote  #14 
Update: off and on pushback at breakfast throughout this week. Interesting observation: seems her anxiety is shifting to dinner time. Lots of procrastinating before dinner (homework, etc.) But good news is that she's eating very well in the evenings to compensate for lighter lunches at school (next issue to address). I feel like a cat chasing her tail.

__________________

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

13 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
momon

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi hope you are continuing to make headway.

Tail chasing is definitely a common experience but it sounds like you are doing well.  If you've had a few good meals, that is a sign of good breakthroughs.
ed_newbie

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Reply with quote  #16 

Met with nutritionist today and we are going to conduct an experiment:

- Give d a "lighter" breakfast.  Example:  instead of 2 poached eggs on 2 peices of toast, give her two poached eggs on 1 peice of toast.

- In return, d agreed that she would try to eat all of her lunch vs. just one item in her lunch bag as she has been doing for 2 weeks because she fears she "overate" at breakfast

- Also switching from whole milk to 2% as "added incentive"

- If over next 3 days she does not eat full lunch, d's lunches will begin being supervised at school (she dreads this!) and we will revert back to "full" breakfasts   

I should add that weight restoration is going very well.  Weighed today at nutritionist and d has gained 16 pounds since Dec 22nd when we started re-feeding. Given this progress nutritionist and I are comfortable making these adjustments.

Will let everyone know how it goes next week and will also cross-post this update on the recent lunch thread.   


__________________

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

13 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
ed_newbie

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Reply with quote  #17 
Hi All,

Mixed results on the lunch experiment.  Of the last 5 school lunches d was able to eat her full lunch on 2 days (yay!!!), able to eat the main item and one side item on 2 days, and today able to eat just the main item leaving the 2 sides because she felt anxious about afternoon weigh-in at nutritionist. 

So, we spent some time with nutritionist exploring what made it hard for her to eat full lunch on certain days.  D says she had apprehension about her after school snack which caused anxiety at lunch.  So basically anxiety has shifted from thinking about what she had for breakfast to fretting about what she's going to have for snack later.  Ugh!!!

Despite the less than ideal lunch results we agreed to give it another week and introduce some flexibility with after school snack in terms of a) portion size and b) what time she eats it to see if that frees up some tension at lunch. 

D was in a low mood on the car ride home after weigh-in.  I swear it was like ED got really mad that we were taking away all of the lunch excuses little by little. 

On a positive note d gained another 2 pounds since last week's weigh-in so now up to a total of 18 pounds since Dec 22nd. 

Will cross-post this update on lunch thread.

__________________

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

13 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
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