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sunshine1974

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Reply with quote  #1 
Has anyone ever gone to their child's appt without them to discuss how things are REALLY going?  Being weighed is a big trigger point for my daughter ~  ED thoughts run rampant.  School starts tomorrow and she doesn't want to go.  Anxiety is high.  Its an hour drive to her appt. in the City.  She hates driving on the highway.  Especially with her resentful sister sitting beside her.  So I've considered having her step-dad attend the appt. and represent all of us.  Me of course sending a letter to the Dr.  with ideas as to how to tweak the appt. to help my daughter get unstuck.  Does this sound unconventional?  Because I hate breaking 'rules' but feel that if d gets weighed today it may be a big setback. 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi sunshine,
we had some appointments without our d to discuss how we are going further on. That is not the problem I think.
But how will you get her weight if she is not been weight there? You need to know her weight because you must know if refeeding works or not. Remember that ED is afraid of that weighing, not your d. For normal people it is no problem to get on a scale and to weigh themselves. So if you allow her not being weight, that is a victory for ED.
If she hates the appointments that much, couldn´t you use it as an incentive? If you eat o.k. this week, you will not need to go there in the next week?
But you need to have an alternative for weighing. Best would be to do it blind. Then it is much less frightened for her.
Tina72
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #3 
I have gone to appointments alone too, but not as a substitute for D's appointments. If you are sending step dad what are you expecting to gain from this? Would it be better for D to go but leave your other D at home? Weighing blind or otherwise is an important part of monitoring with ED, just like pulse and blood pressure are too. It gives a guide as to how things are going. So if D is not going how will you weigh? Would you weigh blind at home?
If anxiety is about school, is not attending, part time, or home schooling an option. Right now feeding is more important than school. Have you got eating at school sorted out?

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
OneToughMomma

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Reply with quote  #4 
Dear Sunshine,

Just as an aside, it is possible to exclude your other children from FBT appointments. I know it’s supposed to be family based, but we just found the experience hard on our younger d, and didn’t feel her presence aided the process.

I think it removed one of the stresses from the process, knowing our other d was happily at home playing on her iPad and eating cookies. I would have felt guilty about making her attend the meetings in addition to all the *stuff* (we can’t swear here!) she had to go through at home.

Of course this is your family and you know what is right for them. That is just how it worked best for us.

xoOTM

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D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
sunshine1974

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Reply with quote  #5 
Just to let you know what my decision was. It was my husband's idea to go to the appt. himself, representing all of us.  Mentally I needed a break ~ one of the things I was hoping to 'gain'  by having my husband meet with the dr.  I decided to trust him and the outcome was exactly what I had hoped for.  He talked candidly to the Psychiatrist and the dr listened and granted us all of the things I felt needed to happen for my d to move forward.  I wanted blind weigh-ins,  I felt she needed anxiety meds to help her face school, and I also felt it was best at this time for her to be meeting with a female.  She is 15 and she had stopped talking the dr since the whole 'period talk' two months ago.  Having her face her weight every week was NOT helping, it was a huge trigger and would set her back every week.  I could not understand why he wanted her to face it considering that she is not weight restored and therefore her brain is not thinking properly enough to accept an increase in her weight.  
Anyway,  over and over I have read here that we do what we feel is right for our children and that not all cases are exactly the same. I am happy that I went with my gut.  
Torie

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Reply with quote  #6 
Good for you to trust your instincts.  Unfortunately, men are often taken more seriously than women, which is another point in favor of "letting" your h be the one to go this time.

You mentioned that she is not yet weight restored.  Would you like help brainstorming ideas to help get her there?

Glad to hear the appointment went well.  I hope the blind weigh ins help. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
sunshine1974

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Reply with quote  #7 
I agree about the man thing! Unfortunately!  I saw it as me being selfish though ~  I just could not go one more time to the same appt. that didn't seem to be helping.
Yes. I'd love to have some helpful ideas regarding WR.  My d has a lot of fear foods and we've only introduced a few of them over the last few months.  But any ideas are appreciated.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #8 
Hi sunshine,
help us with some more information. What are you serving and where are the problems? Do you already add cream, butter, cheese and canola oil to everything? Does she drink heavy smoothies made of ice cream or fruit with canola oil?
Tina72
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #9 
Dear sunshine1974

Great out come and I am glad that your H was able to attend the appointment and get the result you were hoping for. I am also glad that there is another male that can get EDs and can do his part in finding the path to recovery for everyone

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Reply with quote  #10 
It is great that you got the outcome that you wanted. We blind weighed for quite a long time, initially against D's wishes, and later at her request. When she was at her most anxious it really was very helpful. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
sunshine1974

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Reply with quote  #11 
I'm adding tons of butter and coconut oil to meals and shakes.  We are doing protein shakes.  She, or I should say the ED does not like anything sugary and pasta and cheese are trigger foods.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hi sunshine,
If ED doesn´t like pasta and cheese you will need to work on that fear food. But one step at a time. Sugar is something you can add without her seeing. If you take some sirup she would not get it. You can add sirup even to boiled carrots or a salat. Canola oil is wonderful, it doesn´t smell or taste and you can add it to yoghurt, marmelade, applesauce...You can hide cheese in soups.
We made some cauliflower soup that way: cook cauliflower parts (we call it "roses") in salted water for 8-10 min. Take out the roses and save the water. Take another pot and melt some butter (50 g). Than add 50 g flour and add slowly the cauliflower water. Add 200 ml cream and melt 100 g grated cheese in it. Than add the roses again. That is a heavy soup and you can say "oh, it is just cauliflower soup". My d loves it...

We gave our d 2 smoothies a day: 400-500 ml fruit/vegetable and fruit juice into a blender. Than add 50-100 ml canola oil. Id depends on the fruit how much you can take, with apple or orange you can add 100 ml. Then mix it and put portions of 250 ml in the fridge. You get up to 1000 calories extra with only two glasses to drink. When you add that drink to breakfast and one to supper, that is no problem. These smoothies saved our life. I had no idea how to get more into her without that.
If you can buy double cream that is great to add to muesli or porridge. If not use normal cream. Try to add some fat to everything possible. Buy all milk products in ful fat version or cream version. After 2 weeks I knew what are the most caloric products in our local supermarket. Buy them and nothing else. Some women looked with envy into my carriage...[wink]

If she reads all the information on the boxes, put everything in plastic boxes when you get home. Say something like "we are trying to avoid trash". It works [wink]
Tina72

deenl

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Reply with quote  #13 
Hi sunshine,

So glad the appointment went well. It is really great that you have someone else to share the burden. My husband and I have very different interpersonal approaches and there were definitely times when one of us was more suited to the situation/appointment than the other.

I did very few fear foods with my son while he was underweight. Once he was WR for a few weeks we were able to slowly introduce them. He was young (12) when he got ill and I knew he would be home for many years so I saw no great advantage in causing an enormous increase in turmoil both for him and the whole family. Of course, I wonder all the time if it was the right thing to do but he eats almost everything now.

We are 2 1/2 years in and we still weigh blind. We saw absolutely no progress what so every when he knew his weight.

Keep up the good work.

Warm wishes,

D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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