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mjkz

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Reply with quote  #26 
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Getting her weight up and overcoming that rigidity and restriction is your number one priority. Living remotely I guess the options then become - remote education, going back to boarding, is she close enough for weekly boarding, or do you need to move. I think the chances of her doing well by herself at boarding school are non existent, so something different will have to happen.


Totally agree with FoodSupport.  Three weeks is not enough time to do what you need to do and a good portion of your focus should be how to keep her home or if she really has no choice but to board then how you are going to get her meals supervised at school, meeting her daily for a meal so you can introduce fear foods and get things going again.  Maybe you moving closer to her school is a better option so you can have her home for meals and then she wouldn't need to board.

You will have to do something different if you don't want to be back here in a year or so and now dealing with an 18 year old who has a lot more power and can just make decisions all on her own.  It is amazing how hard things become once they turn 18.
HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #27 
sk8r31,

Have you ever shared your contract? Would you be willing to? 

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17 yo D. Diagnosed in July 2013. W/R in Sept. 2013 and has remained so. Roller coaster on and off since, mainly with ED under control but co-morbid depression and other negative coping mechanisms making our life hell. Trusting in God for daily strength and wisdom.
sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #28 
I have shared aspects of our contract privately with those on the forum who have asked.  Actually, for quite some time I couldn't find the actual document...it's been a few years.  I did discover it recently though.

I don't have the contract in pdf form but have summarized for those who have expressed interest.  Since our contract days, several years ago now, there are some great resources and examples on the FEAST main site.  I feel like those give great parameters, better than ours.

However,  the main features of any contract are that they are specific to motivations for the individual and that consequences are those that have particular meaning for your loved one.

Our d was 17 at the time, and so very motivated by going away to university out of state 15 months later.  So the contract was very particular to that; very specific about the weight gain needed...2 lbs/week for 8 weeks, and maintenance of weight gain over the following year.  Consequences involved loss of driving privileges for up to 4 days if 2 meals or snacks were missed in a one week period, loss of cell phone, and ultimately we were not prepared to pay for university out of state if the contract was not met.  We were always willing to have friends visit at the house, and willing to pay for community college or university in our hometown if d needed more support.

We asked our d to provide a list of 10 fear foods, (which was incredibly difficult...she had so many!) and when she could eat them 3 times in a row without comment or criticism that item was struck off the list.  When all 10 were off the list, she received an iPad (item that we were willing/able to provide).  I remember balking at this incentive at first, not wanting that monetary incentive, but again, the contract was a collaborative thing, and it was important to have our d's input and ultimately her buy-in.

Our d did test the boundaries of the contract a couple of times, but when she realized that we were serious and not going to back down, there wasn't much of an issue.  It was a relief not to have to argue or explain, & to have everything spelled out in a contract.  It did help to conserve my energy for meal prep and so on..

Hope this helps.  Again, if you have more specific questions I am happy to respond privately.  Just send me an email...

With warm support,
sk8r31

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It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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